&& they all lived happily ever after..

These past few days, a lot of things were to be thanked for. God has been great to my family, my older brother recently got his visa granted by the Australian government and is now destined to come back to Australia in a few days, I am both happy and jealous for him. Happy because he will now be reunited with his fiancée and is about to enter a life of a married couple, also jealous because it may take a few years for me to come back and I am already dying to see my friends back in Adelaide, also my younger brother and his team won championship in basketball, their games were awesome and they played really well, I was a real proud brother when I saw him receiving his gold medal. Now I couldn’t help but think when would I get mine?

These past few days may have been great for my brothers but horrible on my behalf. A few questions came up into my mind and been having thoughts. I began asking, am I being weak? Was I being less faithful? Am I doing anything wrong? I don’t know but it feels like nothing ever turns out right whilst I’m here. To face the fact that none of my Adelaide friends will be around me for quite some time has been real difficult and has impacted me a great deal. How do I survive? I just want someone to confide with, and I don’t even have that. So there I am, most of the time in an internet café for hours desperately looking for someone to have a normal conversation with, just to get away from the harsh reality of life, to get away from the thought of being here and sometimes just to get away from life itself. I knew that moment when I boarded the plane to the Philippines that life would be a lot harder from that point onwards. I was a big mess that day, a lot of things ran pass my mind but despite that, I held onto the good memories just for me to stop the tears from running out of my eyes. I remember Peter ones saying “You should’ve ran away! Something could have happened and perhaps even a miracle!” and upon hearing those words, similar questions again popped onto my head, was I being that weak? Was I being less faithful? What if God gave me that opportunity to explore the mystery that lies ahead of me? What if God already gave me that opportunity to stay in Adelaide in the arms and care of my beloved? I could have just not boarded the plane and ran away from that situation and I could have stayed in Adelaide for a few more days, weeks, months or even perhaps, years. I remember a preacher in worship ones said that God is always around us and he left us a fridge in which we should just open ourselves without asking for it. Now I realised maybe I should not have been such a bitch and taken that advice.

I recently read Peter’s blog and he’s been having family difficulties lately and from the words and sentences that he wrote it felt like we are both going through the same situation. It’s just at times it makes you think that your friends are more loyal and are more worthy to you than your own family. It bothers me that I find myself asking these questions, How would you cope in a family were instead of them being supportive and motivating they tend to bring you down and make you seem hopeless? How would you care for your family when all you can see is their selfish habits? And when one member can say “you should not be too trusting, even friends can backstab you and be a traitor” to me it’s all just too difficult to put up with. I talked to Anna about this and she said “well they clearly have no idea” and I strongly agree with her. I sometimes wonder and think, why do adults especially parents always think their right? Why do they always seem to portray themselves as the best and perfect example to follow when they clearly show that the things that they are doing are either pathetic or simply just wrong? Is that how much age matters now? Just because you’re older regardless of you being pathetic and unreasonable that you are still right and an individual to follow?? At this certain moment and time I proudly and would happily say that my friends are more of a family than what I actually have (apart from my little brother, a few cousins, uncles and aunties and grandma, they all make an exception). The truth hurts but at the end of the day, honesty indeed is the best policy.

Despite all these, I am still more than grateful to our God. What I had back in Adelaide just proved that God loves me and always will. That day will eventually come, I know and I’m sure that it will come, the day were we will all live happily ever after.